Hey blog family! I want to begin this post by expressing my gratitude to you. Thank you for continuing to check my site for new posts. Thank you for going back to read older posts when you didn’t find new ones. Thank you for hitting that subscribe button in my absence. Your support made me realize I needed to write again. It made me realize I had to keep going.

If you’re going to continue this journey with me there’s something you must know. I can be really random, and I can connect just about anything to a song. I do not know why my brain works this way, but I’ve got to say I’m here for it. I love music. My taste is all over the place. One moment you’ll find me listening to gospel. Another I’m singing my heart out to an R&B track. If you catch me in my car I’m rewinding it back to my tween years listening to all the pop tracks that ruled TRL when Carson Daly was the host. If I’m feeling a lil cocky I’m rapping to a hip hop track. And if you catch me feeling homesick, I’m listening to second line, bounce, cajun, and even a little bit of Zydeco.

Maybe this affinity for music is because I’m from New Orleans. Maybe it’s because growing up it felt like my parents used songs to communicate how they were feeling. If I came home from school and Sam Cooke was playing Daddy had had a long day. If I woke up on Saturday morning and “Love Ballad” by L.T.D. was playing while Momma and Daddy were cleaning, somebody was making love that night. Music is a part of me and it shows up in every aspect of my life.

In the spirit of me being me, I must confess something. I wanted to start this entry with that line from Lil Kim’s 2003 song, “The Jump Off,” when she says, “I’ve been gone for a minute, now I’m back with the Jump Off…This is for my peeps/with the Bentleys, the Hummers, the Benz/Escalades, 23-inch rims/Jumpin’ out the Jaguar with the Timbs/East coast, West coast, to worldwide/All my playas in the hood stay fly/And if you ballin’ let me hear you say, “Right” (right).”

Random. I know. However, the part that connects to this post is:

1. I’ve been gone for a minute.
2. I’m back.
3. This post is for my peeps.
4. I want to explain my absence and hopefully encourage you along the way.

Why I Took a Hiatus from Blogging

June was a difficult month for me. The first half of this month was as well. I didn’t write new entries because I felt it would be hypocritical of me to do so. I created this blog as a space to encourage, uplift, and help others transform their lives. I wasn’t feeling that positive during my 6 week absence. I was really sad, feeling really stuck, lost, and embarrassed. I was feeling all the things that I didn’t want people reading this to feel, and I didn’t know what to do with that. It felt easier to hide than to talk about what I was experiencing; on this blog and to my friends and family. I now know that response was the opposite of what I needed to do to get out of the funk. I also realize now that it’s when we’re alone that the enemy can really do a number on our minds, and convince us our situations are hopeless and we’re all alone.

I got to that place because it felt like all my fears were coming true, and I didn’t see a way out. June was the last month my husband and I could pay our bills using our savings. When I made the final withdrawal from our savings account to our checking it became real that I had no idea what we would do to pay our bills in July. The account was depleted. No money was coming in. Money was going out. The credit card balance was getting higher and I knew at best we could make minimum payments in July.

To combat our money situation I did what I thought was in my control. I used my free time to apply for work. I started looking for work in April but nothing was panning out. By July 4, my ego was on the floor. I felt broken, discouraged, and at a loss of what to do. By that date I’d applied for 19 jobs. I’d received 8 rejections. Three of those rejections came that morning. Six times I was ghosted. I got offers for 2. I was waiting to hear back on 3. In that number were jobs I didn’t even want. I was just applying for things to pay our bills. The 2 offers were for part time roles with inconsistent work. I accepted them. Something is better than nothing. However, as I crunched the numbers in my head, and looked at how often I’d get paid, I knew the money wasn’t going to be enough for us to live on. In the postings the hiring managers for both roles wrote: “This is meant to be supplemental income,” and reminded me of that orally when I said I accept. So on the morning of July 4 I cried.

I cried because we didn’t have enough money to pay our mortgage on the 1st. I cried because we’d gotten a hospital bill from our son’s trip to the emergency room for a series of seizures he had that didn’t stop until the paramedics arrived to give him emergency medicine. I cried because I was using credit cards to pay for groceries and gas. I cried because I didn’t know what to do.

My husband saw my tears and told my two year old son, “Go hug, mommy. Tell her, don’t cry.”

My son came to me and hugged me. He touched my tears. He held up his finger and said, “Mommy, no crying.”

I chuckled through my tears and hugged him back.

Finding Hope Through Prayer

Five minutes later I got in my car, prayed, and cried some more. My prayer:

I don’t know what to do, Lord. Tell me what to do.

Make it obvious, Lord. You know me, and I can miss the answer if it isn’t staring me in the face.

It feels like I’ve tried everything, Lord. The more I try, it feels like nothing works out.

In your word you told me I could ask you for anything according to your will and you would give it to me. So right now I am asking you for help.

Help me to see what I can do to make a difference. I want to make a difference with my life. Make a mark on the world. Help me to see what gifts you’ve given me to do that. Help me to walk in the right direction to find it. Help me to find my people so I don’t give up.

Close the doors that are wrong for me. Don’t let me walk through them. I will cry if that is what is necessary but help me to accept and understand why you closed the door. I’m tired of making mistakes, Lord. I’m tired of dealing with the consequences of my fears.

Help me to trust you. Help me to keep going. I want to get to the abundant life you promised. I love you, Lord.

This season has been hard for me. Humbling. I see I cannot do this on my own. I need you. I need you to awaken me and show me what you created me to do so I can chase it and not look back.

Thank you for listening to my prayer, Lord.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

I felt a sense of relief when I opened my eyes. I was still sad, obviously, but I knew things were going to work out. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know when. I just knew they would, and honestly I hoped relief was coming soon. Then I drove to the gym and forgot my worries while I got my life served to me in the form of a skierg machine, weight lifting, and a power ball, lol.

My Prayer is Answered

Later that evening while my neighbors popped firecrackers, and my children slept, exhausted from playing in the pool that afternoon, I checked LinkedIn. The first thing I saw on my newsfeed was a post from an old colleague. My former company was hiring someone for a role I’ve wanted for years. It was never available because the person who held it previously kept it for 7 years. I stared at it wondering if I should apply. I knew the hiring manager. I knew the people on the team. Even so I hesitated to apply because I wondered if it was a mistake to go back to my old company. When I resigned I told myself I’d never go back; it was time to move forward. I wondered if I was considering it because it’s been difficult to get a call back in this job market. It doesn’t matter what I do to my resume. The answer always remains the same. They were moving forward with a more qualified candidate and would keep my resume on file.

I asked my husband what he thought.

“Apply,” he said, “They know you. They’ll call you back. Plus it’s just like that district job you loved. Do it.”

So, I applied hoping he was right. After I hit submit, I prayed again.

Lord if this is a mistake, reveal that to me. Close the door. Don’t let me do this.

If it isn’t, open every door. Show me how you’ve prepared me for this.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen.

The next day I woke up and checked my LinkedIn again. I got a message from a colleague I hadn’t spoken to in 3 years. She told me she saw I was looking for work on my profile and that there were two positions at her company she could easily see me doing. She sent me the postings. She told me if I was interested that I could talk to her and she’d answer any questions I have. She also told me to let her know if I applied so she could flag it for HR.

In addition to that happening, I remembered another former colleague. I hadn’t spoken to her in 10 years but had kept up with her on social media. Something told me to reach out to her, and tell her what I’d been experiencing to see if she had any advice on how to successfully transition out of education into other industries. Turns out she’s a Career Coach on the side now, has a background in recruiting at corporate companies and is doing really well in DEI work. She was beyond helpful with her tips, and told me I could continue to utilize her in my transition journey.

Conclusion

I wrote all this to say that the events of the last few weeks have reinvigorated my faith. God answers prayer. And when he does it he responds in a way that is so much more than we expected. He’s waiting on us to come to him and lay our burdens at his feet.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

He wants to help us. He’s waiting for us to allow him to guide us. When I finally decided to genuinely release control in my job search I went from feeling like nothing was working out to feeling deep in my spirit that my testimony is coming. It’s right around the corner. So much changed in a couple of weeks. I went from feeling like I was making no progress to getting leads for 4 roles I’m in the running for. God is good, y’all. So good. He wants to comfort his children.

I’m realizing I need to write a part 2 and perhaps a part 3 to this entry because I haven’t even scratched the surface with telling you all the ways the Lord answered my prayer. I haven’t even begun to tell you how he’s provided for me, the peace he’s given, and the joy I’m experiencing when I couldn’t see a way out.

I haven’t secured a full time role yet but it’s coming. I can feel it. And when it arrives, all glory and honor will go to Him.

Have you ever experienced a season in your life where you felt like you’d hit rock bottom? Were you ashamed? Did you isolate yourself? Are you going through that season now?

I want to encourage you. I want to acknowledge that it doesn’t feel good when you’re going through it. It can feel unbearable, arduous, and taxing. And while it feels all these things that do not bring pleasure, know that you weren’t meant to bear it alone. Know that perhaps what you’re going through is to show someone else how to endure pain and come out on the other side. Know that there’s a lesson in. Know that it won’t always be like this.

How can we make it through hard times? What has helped me has been:

1. Praying (a whole lot and being honest with God about how I feel)
2. Reading scripture
3. Worshipping
4. Being vulnerable & telling trusted people in my life about what’s going on
5. My faith
6. Love (from my spouse, children, family, friends & people who have just been KIND)

If your difficult season is now, you will make it through these hard times. I will make it through these hard times. Life is ebb and flow. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it isn’t. I encountered a quote a few months ago in a Ted Talk that I keep encountering in other contexts. It came up in a book I’m reading right now called The Book of Charlie. It comes from a poem called, “If” by Rudyard Kipling. It says:

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
...Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it...

Treat your difficult season and your winning season the same. Know that it’s all temporary. If we can master and accept this, the world is ours.