In my third post, “Embrace Change: Finding the You You Haven’t Met Yet,” I mentioned advice a career coach gave me that I’ve been turning in my mind ever since. She said, “The old you has to die for the new you to thrive. I know you don’t want to hear that but that’s the way it is.”

I thought about this today as I listened to season 13 of the Serial podcast. If you haven’t listened, season 13 is about a good whale named Keiko. Keiko was the star of the movie, “Free Willy.” While his film version Willy is released to the ocean to roam freely, in real life, Keiko returned to captivity when filming wrapped. The podcast series discusses a quest to train Keiko to survive in the ocean when he is freed one day.

Something I found fascinating about the podcast that relates to the advice I received from my career coach is that so many people had to train a killer whale so he could learn how to live freely. He was taken captive when he was a toddler, ripped from his mother and pod, his guides. He forgot what liberation was like. He forgot how to breathe in his natural environment. Captivity was normal. He’d grown accustomed to prison. To prepare him for release, his trainers had to help him kill the good whale who obediently performed for his captors so the killer whale could hunt with his pod. It took him 3 years to learn to be free. 3 years.

I found myself connecting to Keiko. I wondered, How many of us are like Keiko? How many of us are so used to restraining ourselves so we fit in to something we were never meant to fit into? How many of us are so used to captivity that we need significant training and time to learn to be our free authentic selves?

Learning it took him 3 years to unlearn habits that had been ingrained in him since he was a baby put things into perspective for me concerning my own journey. It solidified that meaningful change from the inside out takes time, lots of time. It made me realize I am not behind. I am becoming a better version of myself. I can take all the time I need. There will be moments I take 3 steps forward. There will be moments I take 3 steps backward, retreating to my old self. Retreating to what I know. And there’ll be moments when an encourager comes along to help me keep walking to the place I was always meant to dwell. To freedom. The following quote comes to mind concerning change:

“Change is hard at the beginning, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.”

-The 5 AM Club, Robin Sharma

Putting an Old Habit to Rest: Unhealthy Eating

One part of my old self that had to die in order for the new version to thrive was my approach to eating. Prior to my fitness journey I didn’t pay attention to what I was eating. If it looked good, I ate it. If it smelled good, I ate it. I didn’t limit my portions and I often skipped breakfast. I had no idea these decisions were impacting my body. This thoughtlessness when it came to food had to cease if the new healthy me was going to thrive.

One week into my fitness journey my trainer suggested I attend a workshop held by the gym’s dietician.

“You can move all you want and the way you eat can kill your goals.”

Curious, I decided to attend the dietician workshop. I learned so much, and I’m so happy I did. That workshop was a catalyst for me doing an overhaul in what I ate and what I brought into the household for my family to eat.

The first thing she taught was the difference between healthy food and unhealthy food and where you can find both types in the grocery store. A summary is in the table below.

Healthy Food	Unhealthy (Processed) Food
Macronutrients: Foods that are critical for body function	Food that has been transformed from its original state. Eat processed food seldomly.
3 Types of Marcronutrients: Proteins, Carbohydrates & Fats	Anything in a box, frozen, in a can, or cereal is processed.
Proteins: the body uses for muscle recovery and repair. Protein sources: Meats, Eggs (the egg white), Rice & Beans	Processed food has a surplus of vitamins you don’t need and your body does not recognize it as food.
Carbohydrates: The body’s primary source of energy	Processed food is found in the inner part of the grocery store.
Fats: Critical for brain function and reproductive organs	Processed food puts you at a higher risk for cancer and is easier to digest than unprocessed food.
Micronutrients are needed, too. Micronutrients are fruits and vegetables	It’s important to read nutrition labels when eating processed food. Don’t buy it if there are 10+ grams of sugar in it and 350+ grams of sodium
When shopping for fruits & veggies look at the number on the sticker. If it starts with a 4 it’s a genetically modified organism. If it starts with a 9 it is not genetically modified. Shop for fruits & veggies in season.

Finally she emphasized that 80% of our weight loss is dictated by what we eat. She also stressed that our bodies are like machines that need fuel to run well. The food we eat is the fuel. She said taking her advice would make our grocery bills go up.

“But let me ask you this. Would you rather the grocery bill go up or the doctor bill? You choose.”

I chose my food bill going up. After getting over the initial sticker shock, eating healthy became fun. I discovered several different farmers markets in my area, apps for healthy recipes and Pinterest became my best friend for finding clean eating recipes.

The hardest thing that I had to let die for healthy eating to thrive was giving up my sweet tooth. I’ll be honest I’m still struggling with it. Me and dessert got a thing going on. Crumbl cookie, Tiff’s Treats, Nothing Bundt Cakes, Ben and Jerry’s and Ghirardelli’s chocolate were hard to give up. I still check the Crumbl app weekly to see what desserts are lined up for the week, lol. The only reason I’ve been succeeding at not giving in to these cravings are looking at the calorie counts. Your average Crumbl cookie is 600-800 calories per cookie. That’s wild, y’all. 600-800 empty calories of pure sugar? Nah. I’m good. And Ben and Jerry’s? One pint is over 1000 calories! And I used to eat the whole pint!

To reiterate, giving dessert up has not been easy for me. I’ve learned to let myself partake in it sometimes. For example if I decide I need a chocolate fix I’ll eat the serving size of Ghirardelli’s chocolate which is 2 chocolates. I’ve also switched to only eating dark chocolate because I read it’s better for you somewhere. Finally, I’ve learned to embrace nature’s candy. I eat cherries now and lots of other berries when I’m feigning for something sweet.

Conclusion

To be free it takes time to learn the habits needed to thrive. Progress is slow as we gradually let go of what we’ve become accustomed to to get to where we are now. To truly be free, we need guidance from someone who’s made it to the other side. We also need to have a strong desire to become a better version of who we are now. When we’re tempted to go back to what we know, we must visualize that desire. Let it carry us through temptation.

As I close this entry I want to leave you with a poem by Maya Angelou that reminds me of Keiko and reminds me of people like you and I.

Caged Bird

A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind   
and floats downstream   
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and   
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings   
with a fearful trill   
of things unknown   
but longed for still   
and his tune is heard   
on the distant hill   
for the caged bird   
sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams   
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream   
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied   
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings   
with a fearful trill   
of things unknown   
but longed for still   
and his tune is heard   
on the distant hill   
for the caged bird   
sings of freedom.

• What are you afraid of letting go?
• What do you long for?
• How can letting go get you one step closer to freedom?

I hope you let go. I hope you join the free bird.

Until next time,

Jeanine