In 1996 Blackstreet dropped a song that made me think I knew a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ about love and heartbreak. It opens with a man in a raspy voice saying, “What we gone do right here is go back… way back… back into time…“

Like that man, today I want to take you back. Way back. Back into time. Back to when my journey began. To when I first felt the nudge.

It was October 2023. I’d had a really long day at work. If I’m being honest that time was and still is a blur. I was so exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally that I can’t even tell you what specific event triggered me to start thinking to myself, “There’s gotta be more to life… because this… this ain’t it.”

While some of my memories of that time are fuzzy what I instinctively remember is how on edge I was at home. At the time my daughter was 5, and my son was 4 months. My husband was working two jobs because he had a sneaker habit that just wouldn’t quit. I held down an assistant principal job by day, and put my mom hat on at night. My husband and I are transplants to our city. Most of our family lives elsewhere. My husband worked at night. My family lived in a different state. I felt like I had to be everything to everybody all day everyday because… who was around to help? Hence, I snapped at my kids, a lot.

The root of my anger, looking back, was a mix of postpartum depression. I was grieving my old body. I felt guilt about prioritizing work over being at home with my newborn. Additionally, I was overwhelmed at work. My principal was on leave for surgery. The school I worked at experienced a lot of turnover due to frustration with previous school leaders. I was new to the assistant principal role. The other assistant principal on campus was new as well. While I was new to my role, I was not new to the campus. As a result, many people came to me when they needed something. It was exhausting. Truly. At work I was running around to make sure everyone was good, and at home I was running around to make sure everyone was good. I got to a point where I was tired of being needed all. the. time. At work, “Mrs. Thomas a kid did this. Mrs. Thomas, a kid did that. Mrs. Thomas so and so isn’t here today. Who’s going to cover their class?” At home, “Mommy, I want water. Mommy, the baby is crying, make him stop. Mommy, the baby is stinky, change his diaper.” I tried my best not to snap at work because I was a school leader. Leaders don’t snap. Right? My colleagues got the best of me, and my family got the rest of me. This is not something I’m proud of, and I hope my kids have forgotten how I behaved during that time. If I could go back in time, a few pieces of advice I would give my past self and anyone feeling as overstimulated as I was during that time:

• Talk to a trusted friend or wise person about what you’re feeling and what you need. It’s not a sign of weakness; it takes courage. You might be surprised by their support.
• Seek out a therapist. They take health insurance (I didn’t find this out until 5 months ago and had been paying full price!), will meet with you virtually, and can be unbiased about the events going on in your life.
• It’s okay to take a break. Go for a walk and breathe. It doesn’t make you unreliable. The work will get done, and the kids will be fine. Most importantly, you’ll be okay.

Now let’s shift our focus back to the moment I felt the nudge. While checking my email one evening I saw an advertisement for a career acceleration series. The title and description for of one of the sessions caught my eye:

How to Design a Career You Love

For people who want to take steps to get their career change process started,

and design a career they are passionate about.

When I tell you I signed up for that webinar with a swiftness? With a swiftness, honey. Something had to give.

The session could not come quickly enough. During the session while the facilitator was doing her thing in my head I was responding, “Yes! Lady Yes!” to all her rhetorical questions. I felt so seen. She asked:

Are you feeling disengaged at work?

Two Thirds of Americans Are.

You’re not alone.

You spend most of your waking hours at work.

Shouldn’t you enjoy it?

Yes. Yes, I should. But I wasn’t. So I waited for her to present the solution to my problem. Here it was. She challenged me to think like a designer when it came to my career. Specifically, she advised signing up for a course being offered in February that would guide participants through the following process:

Needless to say I paid the fee for the course and waited, impatiently, for it to start. The first phase of the course was reflection. There was a lot of pre-work to complete for this phase. I really enjoyed the pre-work. It helped rebuild confidence in the workplace I didn’t even realize I’d lost somewhere along the way. The first few assignments focused on mindset. I thought I got the point of why the course was starting off with several readings on growth vs. fixed mindset but now I see I got it on an intellectual level, not a spiritual level. My advice to anyone considering a career pivot is this: take your time. Work diligently on your self-perception. It will impact every aspect of your journey. If you don’t take the time to work on your mindset, you won’t change. You will continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. You will fall into the same patterns. You will continue to make the same choices because you have not fixed the root of your problem. Your mind. No one will believe anything about what you’re capable of until you believe it. If you would like your career journey to gain momentum, examine your thinking. Here are some questions to ask yourself to get started:

1. What do you want?
2. What do you feel you were called to do?
3. Do you believe you can achieve your calling?
4. If you have doubt, where do you think that doubt comes from? Did you inherit it from someone in your life?
5. What strategies do you use to combat negative thinking? Is it time to add new ones to your toolbox?

Taking this course did not instantly land me a job. That’s a misconception I had when I signed up for it if I’m being honest. I remember thinking, These people going to get me a job! I now see there’s a big difference between a career and a job. We’ll delve more into that in later entries. For now I’d like you to know that I’m still manifesting my next phase of my career. What this course did do for me is plant seeds in me that are just starting to bud. I guess that’s the thing about creating a masterpiece. It takes time. Looking forward to when I fully bloom. I hope you’ll join me.

Until next time,

Jeanine

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