August 2024

During the first week of August I was snapping at my husband and kids, a lot. Little things set me off. A stray sock in the living room. Finding my daughter’s pink unicorn bike in my bedroom. My husband leaving his favorite pair of holiday pajamas on my side of the bed when I bought him a three section laundry sorter to prevent him from doing this. Again.

I guess I snapped at my husband one too many times because he looked me dead in my eye while picking up a stray sock one day and said, “You’re taking all the fun out of this year off. If something is bothering you, instead of complaining, why don’t you DO something about it?”

I’m not going to lie in the moment it ticked me off that he had the audacity to tell me to stop complaining and do something. I think it ticked me off because I was looking for sympathy. Instead, I was met with a reality check. I had no response to his challenge so I just looked at him with eyes of steel, and stormed off to our room to cool off.

Why don’t I do something about it? I’ll do something alright… I thought to myself and grabbed my phone. I found myself googling physical trainers. During my search I realized I was going off about little things like the cleanliness of our house when what was really bothering me were bigger things like how I looked after giving birth to our son, and feeling uncertain about my future. Instead of confronting the things I felt hopeless about, it was easier to nitpick over small things I felt I had some control over.

Within the week I found 3 gyms near my house that offered one on one physical training. I set up consultations with each gym owner to learn their pricing and what they offered to help clients meet their fitness goals.

One of the first questions each owner asked me when I informed them I wanted one on one physical training was, “Why one on one training? What’s motivating you to do this?”

In my head my response to their questions was Justin Timberlake singing, I‘m bringing sexy back… but out loud I told them, “I haven’t been happy with my body since giving birth to my second child. I technically got back to the number I used to see on the scale before giving birth to him but my mid section looks different. I don’t feel comfortable wearing form-fitting clothes anymore. I want to feel sexy again. I haven’t felt sexy in a long time.”

All the owners pretty much had the same reaction to my response which was to ask why I was seeking one on one training when I could achieve results in a group setting. I remember telling them I never worked out in a gym setting before. Ever. I didn’t have a desire to be fit. I’ve been petite my whole life and letting nature do its thing. This was the first time I felt I needed to exert effort to maintain the look I wanted.

One of the owners stood out because he challenged me. He asked, “More than wanting to get abs, which I think you can achieve in a year if you’re consistent, why are you doing this?”

I just looked at him with a blank face because in my head I’m like, Sir, I answered your question. This post pregnancy stomach ain’t it, okay??? I knew that wasn’t the answer he was looking for so I searched my brain for something else to say.

While I was searching he says, “It’s difficult to be consistent for a year. I worry if your sole goal is to get abs you’ll fall off. So, why are you doing this? Is there any other reason?”

While it wasn’t a reason when I initially walked in his office he made me recall a time when I asked someone the reason they believed so many parents yelled at me in my office when they were upset with a teacher.

“I don’t know. Maybe they think, I’m going to make this dainty b—- cry.”

I remember looking up the word dainty after the person said it. I found definitions like:

• Dainty (adjective) : delicately small and pretty.
• Delicate (adjective): easily broken or damaged; fragile.

After I looked the words up I sat and thought to myself, Is that what people think? That I’m small and fragile? Is that what you think of me? That it’s easy to break me?

Back in the trainer’s office I tell him, “I’m doing this to be stronger. I want to be physically strong and I want to strengthen my mind. I want to move with fortitude in the gym and outside of it. Someone who doesn’t easily break.”

And I don’t ever want to give someone a reason to call me a dainty b—- again.

Until next time,

Jeanine